Trapped Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wonder who you really are? That’s her in a nutshell. Sam feels trapped at home all the time, like she can never be herself in front of her own family. For her parents, she feels the need to be that “perfect daughter”, and that is what they expect her to be as well. Sometimes she feels like they expect way too much of her. If it’s not getting A’s and B’s on her report card, it’s keeping the house clean while they’re gone. If it’s not that, It’s making sure she takes care of her four younger ones, especially her 4 year old sister all the time, and sacrificing hanging out with her friends after school. She definitely do feel the pressure of trying to be who they want her to. Technically, she is her little sister’s second mom. She is responsible for picking her up everyday from school, feeding her, bathing her, and providing for her while my mom is working. Meanwhile, when she actually do have time to hang out with friends, there are several restrictions and that has left her shy and reserved till this day. For example, she cannot be out later than 8 pm, she cannot be in contact with any guys whatsoever, she cannot be at certain public places, Absolutely no drinking or smoking, or acting wild. She cannot be out unless all her chores and homework are done and that takes virtually the whole day. Finally, she cannot go anywhere without a parent’s consent. Being ibo(From the Eastern part of Nigeria) thier culture is very strict on courtship and marriage especially for the girl child and…(ADA).
Being 16 years old, it’s very hard for her to cover up who she actually like, or in love with. Since she can’t be in contact with any boys and every decisions are always being made for her, It is difficult to find the right one for me “she cries out! My parents think I am way too young and don’t even know what “love” is. They want me to finish university.
Having finished university, she still had her life laid out for her. She was told how to eat, how to sleep, what to wear, where to go and who to go with. Her parents virtually had everything planned out for her, by 20, they had a husband for her and when she said no to that, she became a wayward daughter and her mother would say “Sam needs to see a man of God(Pastor)….We didn’t raise her like this”. “No she can’t bring shame to our religion and name, she must marry the man we have selected for her; he is the best man for her”.
Best man for who “she cries out”? Who am I? Am i living or existing? Why are female daughters in ibo( Eastern part of Nigeria) “Always Trapped? Is there a way out of this crazy tradition and culture?
To be continued………

Whitney Edna Ibe is the Executive Consultant, Life & Mental Health Coach, and Writer/ Editor at Whitney Edna Ibe Consult (Blog),, The Social Talks,, and Mental Wellness Society International. She is in charge of consultations, services, and implementation.

6 Thoughts on “Trapped….(Her Memoir)”

Feel Free To Share Your Lovely Thoughts In The Comment Box!