Today i witnessed one of my close friend say I do.  I have been to very few, but this wedding was different. The couples chose simple styles and decorations. It was nothing flashy. Every one was relaxed and happy for the couple. The bride was a singer and when she held the mic to sing, everyone came alive. It was like heaven on earth.
Oscar Wilde said and I quote”Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence”
If this is true, why is half of all recent marriages currently ending in divorce, and many people choosing to be single parents? Well, am guessing this is the paradox of marriage!
Analyzing the empirical findings concerning the marriage paradox requires a subtle approach. Indeed, one longitudinal study of the impact of marital transitions on life satisfaction reveals that people who get married and stay married are indeed more satisfied than on average, but they were already so, long before the marriage took place. It seems that, often, happy people are more likely to get and stay married. On average, people get only a very small boost from marriage; most people are no more satisfied after marriage than they were prior to it. (Although it should be noted that the events of widowhood, and perhaps divorce as well, appear to have long-lasting negative effects.)
Once two people fall in love, the love is there to stay. You can’t push it away even if you wanted to. The excitement and thrill of a relationship may fade but not the love. The love just gets buried by all the upset. We can’t see it because of all the anger and hurt. Love is what makes a difficult relationship so painful. If some stranger rejected you or put you down, you wouldn’t be so upset. When the rejection comes from someone you love, it hurts. People can love each other and still have a lousy relationship. Some people will fight and get on each other’s nerves forever. Some people do cruel things to each other. This doesn’t mean there’s no love.
Now this doesn’t make sense. How can you love someone and want a divorce? How can you love someone when you want to have the person shot at sunrise? We’ve been taught all these rules about love. When our actions don’t match these rules, we invalidate the love that’s there. So don’t listen to what you have been taught. Don’t look in your head for the love. Look in your heart. Look under the hurt, the anger and the frustration. You will see the love if you want to. The love is there. It is totally separate from your actions and your feelings. Allow yourself to see how much you still love the other person. Let go of your dreams for how it could have been. Allow the loss. Allow the sadness. Allow the hurt.

Whitney Edna Ibe is the Executive Consultant, Life & Mental Health Coach, and Writer/ Editor at Whitney Edna Ibe Consult (Blog),, The Social Talks,, and Mental Wellness Society International. She is in charge of consultations, services, and implementation.

49 Thoughts on “Love & Divorce……”

    • Hmmmm but I beg to differ. I don’t think marriage is the cause of divorce. There are many factors that one needs to consider and bear in mind as the reasons behind divorce. Thank you for dropping by and commenting

  • I think you are so right. My husband and I, when we are angry and frustrated, tend to take a walk (separately). We have taken our walks but we always walk right back because that is what we promised and vowed to do. I read somewhere that marriage should be looked at as an investment….that way we would tend and nurture it to make sure the relationship grows.

    • Thank you Ma’am you just read my mind. I was telling a friend of mine that marriage is a long term investment that you need to nurture and follow up diligently or you loose focus and fall of. Many don’t see it that way because of what they’ve seen, heard and believed. It will be nice to have people get married for the right reasons and with the same goals and honour their vows but whatever the case may be I also relate with the divorced. Sometimes the wounds, pain and trauma’s just don’t heal when we want them to and differences are often irreconcilable. Thank you Ma’am for commenting.

  • Love and divorce….a huge topic but you have covered it very well in few words. I have been divorced ( after one year of marriage) and now have been married for 32 years. Everything you said in this post is true. I can testify to that. Thank you and thanks for the follow on horseaddict.

  • Thank you. I’m in the process of deciding whether to call it quits. But there is this small thread that keeps me going. I love this woman yet we are so far apart. What is life without love?

    • Life is nothing without love dear Allegory. If you both have been together for quite some time, it means a lot of investments have been made in all ramifications. Find out what those investments returned. If they are worth hanging on to or letting go. But above seek the Lord and am sure he will guide you right. Thank you for sharing, it’s so thoughtful of you.

  • Love is a choice. We decide to love someone and then decide to keep loving them, through the good times and the bad. Unfortunately though, many people enter into a marriage not fully realizing the hardships they will face. We all say, “Yes, of course I know there will be hard times”, but just like everything else in life, we can’t say for certain how we’ll react during those times. Marriage is difficult, but it can also be wonderful and very rewarding. A marriage that lasts a lifetime is one of the most precious gifts of all.

  • This made me tear up reading. Being that I’m new to wordpress and started the blog from a young perspective on love, this opened my eyes. I’m a child of divorce and it was hell, considering my mother loved so effortlessly and I possess the same quality. Thanks for this. 🙂

    • Dear ElleFitzG, I can’t say I know what you went through but I can assure you that I understand. I have friends from divorced families and I know what they went through and some of them are still going through a lot as we speak…We can’t stop our parents from making their own decisions but we have the right to make better choices for ourselves and for our children. Am really glad you stopped by shared with us. Thank you

  • You welcome my love! Please feel free to stop by my blog and comment! I could use pointers from an experienced woman when it comes to love & things of that sort at this age. 🙂

  • Certainly the love can be there but some consideration may be that someone can love their parent or friend but the compatibility to live together day in and out may not. I don’t believe that it is any different than romantic love. I don’t believe that one must dig deep to uncover our basic instinct to love another.
    The last 20 years or so relationships have had to evolve to 400 miles an hour and our children are tucked in over FaceTime.
    Our Grandparents generation adapted to loving one and other and stayed married but that was cultural and motivated by what the neighbors would think.
    Every few decades or so humans must reinvent many aspects and 1 being that of love and how to incorporate the commitment in a way that works, for the time.
    I agree that love needs to be cherished and the stress and static moved out of the way for it to shine, but as this new generation follows the rules of Darwinism like all its predecessors we must accept that if it is true romantic love than perhaps if we trust deeply enough nature will continue to take its own natural course.
    Thanks for the great read 🙂

  • Oh boy, decisions decisions ! I enjoyed the read Whitney. I also learnt from the others that commented. Marriage sure is a place to work HARD to get results.

    • Is it fate? I would say it’s in the nature of men to cheat. It takes divine grace and discipline for a man to stay faithful. Is it luck? I don’t think so. Thank you for sharing with us. It’s very thoughtful of you.

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