Today i witnessed one of my close friend say I do. I have been to very few, but this wedding was different. The couples chose simple styles and decorations. It was nothing flashy. Every one was relaxed and happy for the couple. The bride was a singer and when she held the mic to sing, everyone came alive. It was like heaven on earth.
Oscar Wilde said and I quote”Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence”
If this is true, why is half of all recent marriages currently ending in divorce, and many people choosing to be single parents? Well, am guessing this is the paradox of marriage!
Analyzing the empirical findings concerning the marriage paradox requires a subtle approach. Indeed, one longitudinal study of the impact of marital transitions on life satisfaction reveals that people who get married and stay married are indeed more satisfied than on average, but they were already so, long before the marriage took place. It seems that, often, happy people are more likely to get and stay married. On average, people get only a very small boost from marriage; most people are no more satisfied after marriage than they were prior to it. (Although it should be noted that the events of widowhood, and perhaps divorce as well, appear to have long-lasting negative effects.)
Once two people fall in love, the love is there to stay. You can’t push it away even if you wanted to. The excitement and thrill of a relationship may fade but not the love. The love just gets buried by all the upset. We can’t see it because of all the anger and hurt. Love is what makes a difficult relationship so painful. If some stranger rejected you or put you down, you wouldn’t be so upset. When the rejection comes from someone you love, it hurts. People can love each other and still have a lousy relationship. Some people will fight and get on each other’s nerves forever. Some people do cruel things to each other. This doesn’t mean there’s no love.
Now this doesn’t make sense. How can you love someone and want a divorce? How can you love someone when you want to have the person shot at sunrise? We’ve been taught all these rules about love. When our actions don’t match these rules, we invalidate the love that’s there. So don’t listen to what you have been taught. Don’t look in your head for the love. Look in your heart. Look under the hurt, the anger and the frustration. You will see the love if you want to. The love is there. It is totally separate from your actions and your feelings. Allow yourself to see how much you still love the other person. Let go of your dreams for how it could have been. Allow the loss. Allow the sadness. Allow the hurt.