Many men seem to have the strange idea that anger is a justifiable masculine trait. How absurd right? “Every man gets angry,” they exclaim. Some would even insist that a man who doesn’t have anger problem is not a real man. Still can’t fathom how they came up with that line! Nothing could be further from the truth! Man’s natural tendency towards anger has probably started more wars, created more conflicts and ruined more homes than any other universal traits.

Anger seems to be a man’s way of expressing his frustrations, but it is a mistake to deem it a beneficial emotions. In fact, it inhibits sound judgement and thinking. A seventeen year old boy who had a fight with his girlfriend backed out of her drive way and laid eighty feet of scratch in front of her house before driving off. His anger robbed him of good judgement as he floorboarded the gas pedal at ninety-five miles an hour. He failed to navigate a freeway curve, and sped straight into eternity. Anger struck again and in seven minutes he was dead.

In Nigeria today and am sure in most countries, newspapers​ have been carrying reports lately from homes, hospital​emergency wards and welfare ​agencies that child abuse is alarmingly on the increase.  Over an estimate of 10,000 children died last year due to such mistreatment. What in the name of God cause any adult to so abuse a helpless child? Frustration? Anger? Spiritually manipulated? Pain and resentment? Depression? I’m sure there are many other reasons but anger seems to dominate. Brokenhearted parents and wards weep as they related stories of their “abnormal behaviour”, registering amazement that they were capable of such action. Well, they aren’t basically “abnormal”, they just never learned to control their anger, and when a sufficient level of frustration was reached, they committed an act which they regretted for life. Some parents also laments over their children​ who fell victim to these angry men and some of these children do not leave to tell the tales and for those that survive, they are left marred, damaged for life. They are left with scars that will never go away.

Such anger-laden behaviour is not limited to the lower socio economic members of society, although their living conditions may accelerate frustrations. I have also seen respectable people destroy their children through anger, even though they claim it was done ignorantly. Great men have fallen because they could not manage their anger. Ministers of God, dynamic preachers with the Spirit of anger. They have dual personality that they hide from everyone. Many women finds it difficult to relate nor communicate with their husbands for fear of being hit when he gets angry. Constantly they live in fear and die gradually every time they get abused. The Children are not left out in this saga, some pick up this trait others simply withdraw from their fathers. For the ones that pick this trait they run the risk of passing it down to their own children as well. “Angry father produce angry children”.
Do not allow the pressure of being angry or even to be angry make your spirit. Find a place where you can be yourself when that pressure comes up. Find what makes you happy and build on it, evaluate your strength and weaknesses and maximise your strength. Let God change the real you so that your hours at home, work, school, anywhere you find yourself can be pleasant and those who love you most will not be threatened.

Whitney Edna Ibe is the Executive Consultant, Life & Mental Health Coach, and Writer/ Editor at Whitney Edna Ibe Consult (Blog),, The Social Talks,, and Mental Wellness Society International. She is in charge of consultations, services, and implementation.

28 Thoughts on “Anger And Masculinity….”

  • Nice entry, I don’t understand a horrible word so call machism, it’s a ancient creed in the modern time as a reflex of weakness in the modern societies, a thing is sure a great man has a great or superb woman behind him. Stupid men are machism and tolerance zero… all gender is part of the human beings.

  • I agree many men have an anger problem. My father did. That said it is not exclusive to men. In my family it is primarily the women who have an anger problem. It may come out a tad differently but is no less destructive. The fact that a certain someone I loved didn’t have the physical strength to throw me across the room doesn’t mean she couldn’t hurt me or harm my children. My daughters have worked very hard not to follow their mother and Aunts more destructive patterns. My son still finds it hard to trust women with his heart.

    • I’m really sorry to hear about your children ordeal i am praying they find themselves and hold on to their​ strengths. I don’t disagree with the the fact that women have anger problem but for some reason the men tend to express theirs more than the women #my opinion. Thank you for sharing with us, it’s highly appreciated. My regards to your children.

  • Whitney this is your best post ever. It shows how anger relates to all cultures. Violence by men against women is a problem in all society. Perhaps you might also choose to focus on the rarely discussed phenomenon of women beating up on their husbands. As far as I know this is a less common occurrence but as the lines between gender distinction n traditional identity become increasingly blurred or abolished it has intruded with greater measure into intergender interactions

    • Thank you very much. Violence and abuse on women and children is a very sensitive issue that should not be treated with larcadasical attitude not by individuals nor the government. No one should be subjected to any abuse of any form, not only is it dehumanising, it’s scars are endemic and don’t go away easily. I would look into the issue of women abusing their husbands some day I promise but for this post being my best then it simply means I need to work harder then. It’s very thoughtful of you to drop by and share with us.

      • this post of yours touched me in a way that none have previously to the same extent although I have enjoyed your work in the past I have always meant to read and comment but never had til now but that headline just grabbed me because of something I am going through in my life right now seeing my friend suffering and not being able to help her. how do you help someone when involving the police will result in a broken home and a child being raised without a father? its a different situation with a woman that doesn’t have babies who needs somewhere to run. if a woman has kids its easy for her to persuade herself that she has to stay in the situation particularly if she has a religious upbringing and she has convinced herself that leaving her husband would be immoral even if staying with him results in her losing her life. my friend and I always talked about oprahs warning signs such as if a man is yelling at his wife then it is likely he will strike with his fists after regressing from his mouth. it is very valuable of you to point out this evil in the world and fight boldly against it. thank you for your willingness to examine every side of the situation. it is not enough to create government programs and increase pressure by police on citizens to behave themselves cos this is a heart issue this is a problem of how guys see themselves and how they react to pressure. there has to be a healthy way to exercise our inner warrior without letting our need to unleash the beast result in the destruction of everything we love. 😉

        • Yes I totally agree with you that there has to be a much better way to exhibit our inner warrior without unleashing the beast in us. I recommend that first any man with anger issues must first admit to having a problem “admittance leads to solution” . Every home must all put their hands on deck when it comes to raising their children especially the male children. The love of Christ in any man will always make a difference. If we can look past the hatred and genuinely love one another as Christ commands us and as we love ourselves, then our world, society, will be safe haven, free of angry and violent outbursts. Thank you for sharing with us. I really appreciate it and it’s very thoughtful of you.

  • post, but I disagree with you on a couple items. I don’t think it’s true that anger necessarily starts wars. Historically wars have also been started by famine, fear and hate, rather than simply anger.
    Anger can also be useful. The adrenaline from the anger can fuel the ability to do things that you didn’t think were possible. For example anger at being so alone when I (thought I) needed help once gave me the strength to assemble a shed that ‘requires three men’ to put it together.

    • Anger is not solely the reason for war I agree but it’s​ a major factor. Anger is very destructive and anyone who has ever had any encounter or dealings with it don’t ever have anything good to say afterwards. Yes anger can be useful if well managed and this is not always easy to do.
      Thank you for your wonderful contribution, i learnt a lot from it. It’s very thoughtful of you to comment.

  • I was speaking at an event some time last week on the topic ’21st century dysfunctional vs healthy family’ and the issue of men and anger came up, and an individual argued that is in the nature of man to give expression to his anger, and this should be taken into consideration by other members of the household. The response I gave was that as much as men have the tendency to be overly angry, it is now in the position of a wise man who desire an ideal family, to consciously put effort into eradicating such ‘manly’ attribute from his life. Truth is, there would be no justification if a child is scarred in anyway, because of the anger of the father. This should also apply to not just the family, but the society. Nice post Whitney, I love this.
    truth zombie

    • Thank you for dropping by and yes anger is a very terrible thing. It destroys not just you alone but everything around you. For anger management to be part of the curriculum, it requires proper planning and implementation as well.

Feel Free To Share Your Lovely Thoughts In The Comment Box!