Every memory are always stored in our hearts and in our minds. But we are always quick to forget everything we said or promised when push comes to shove. Why?
Am sure we must have heard that it was said to the people of old, ‘Do not break your oath, keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.  (Matthew 5:33-37).
” I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No ,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this can be compromised.
Growing up, I was taught never to make promises that I can’t​ keep. Never to make vows, either to the Lord or to another man because chances were i may never honour my words, “human weakness” i never understood why until i grew older. The certainty of us being able to know whether we will be able to keep vows or not is never certified. The fact that we are prone to errors in judgment which are part of our fallen nature means that we may make vows out of sentiments, hastily, with beclouded judgements, forcefully, in pretence and end up regretting.
We don’t know what the future will bring only God does. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow, neither do you (James 4:14), so is it okay to make a vow that we will do or not do something, if God is the one in control, not us, and He “works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose”? (Romans 8:28).
Jesus commands and expects that our word be sufficient without making vows. When we say “yes” or “no,” we should mean it. Adding vows or oaths to our words may open us up to a lot of harm.
Why make vows or promises when we know we won’t keep them?
During weddings, couples are expected to exchange vows( Still can’t find any legal or biblical backings to this) and after many years together they end up breaking those vows and getting divorced. This seems to be the trend now. What went wrong?
” Wedding vows are sacred…I, X take thee Y to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till in death we part, and with this ring I thee wed, and with my body I thee honor, and pledge my faithfulness.”
Every Saturday especially here in the Western part of Nigeria, thousands of couples stand before a preacher, or a judge and exchange wedding vows. Last week Saturday, I witnessed a colleague get married. I watched how her husband to be nervously fidgeted with his tie as the music played and as he waited for the love of his life to make her appearance and be escorted down the aisle by her father. When the music changed to the wedding processional, the entire audience stood and watched my beautiful friend walk down the aisle. There, in the presence of God and their witnesses they exchanged vows and were bound together in marriage.
Most of the couple that excha


this vows don’t keep them. Some don’t know the gravity of what they are saying and so they easily forget and walk away. Our God is a God of covenant. When we exchange vows be it at marital, commitment, He expects us to keep them. Especially when this vows are made before him. I want to believe people don’t keep their vows because they have no idea what they are saying. Otherwise, how would you explain a couple that exchange sweet wedding vows break up two weeks time? Or the husband turns her into a punching bag? How about one of the spouse gets injured and unable to work, then the other party packs up his or her bags and leaves? Wasn’t the vow for better or worse? Once again i ask what went wrong?
I can’t seem to get my head around this, i feel bad when i see couples break their vows and take promises for granted.
The Vows…Do we need to make them, if we know we can’t keep them?

Whitney Edna Ibe is the Executive Consultant, Life & Mental Health Coach, and Writer/ Editor at Whitney Edna Ibe Consult (Blog),, The Social Talks,, and Mental Wellness Society International. She is in charge of consultations, services, and implementation.

16 Thoughts on “The Vow…..An Illusion?”

  • If we haven’t illusions everyday we’re just a zombies and no human beings, no love, no feelings and technical breakdown to mankind , an truly evidence if you got illusions you can made mistakes are lesson from the book of our lives.

  • This is an excellent post! If I may, I would like to say that I believe some marriages end in divorce because the couple either didn’t know each other well enough or they think of marriage as a party with themselves as the stars. I am in the United States and many young women I am around just want to be ‘The Bride’ with all the attention and the fancy wedding dress/fancy reception and then lavish honeymoon. They don’t realize that marriage is a 24/7 job. Or some couples ignore the warning signs of abberant behavior. I’m thinking of women who marry a possessive boyfriend who turns into an abusive husband. It takes years to really know someone and even then, much of ourselves is never shown or shared with our partner. Thank you letting me share my opinion. I’d be interested to see what others have to say. Best regards to you, dear one.♥

    • This is quite enlightening and informative too. A lot of factors really contributes to divorce in our society today. Getting​ married for the wrong reasons is a major factor. So, i ask is there any need for vows? If at the end of the day there will be divorce. We need to educate the young ones on getting married for the right reasons and what it means to be committed to someone. Thank my dearest for sharing with us. It’s very thoughtful of you to drop by.

      • In my opinion, marriage is like every other of life’s endeavours and in this case, it is a contract. Like everything, we we then try to solidify it with our spirituality. However, it remains a human contract which is fallible based on other factors, known and unknown. There are no hard or fast rules as I have come to realise. I also don’t think marriage in the olden days was a bed of roses. I believe, the fact that there are more divorces now than in the past is just because more people now know that they can exercise their rights and express themselves more, particularly the women. Many women or even men, died in d days of old wishing society would let them express their inner feelings. Many of them had bad marriages that only hung on threads of hopelessness and apathy. So, marriages should be treated like a contract where each party must honour his or her promises and pledges. If not, a friendly separation maybe better for their lives. I grew up seeing my parents fight each day and used to wonder as a kid if it was worth the two them being together and messing other people’s lives up. My parents separated for 20years, but I am happy they got back and may father died in my mums house. I am married now, against my initial fears, but each day, I recognise my wife is another human being which must be courted again and again. Like every human contract, and plan, do your best but if it doesn’t work out there should be a chance for exit.

        • Am really happy to have you sir and sharing this wonderful insights with us all. We don’t have to be silent over our fears, pains and desires in marriage. Marriage is a win-win situation where no party is expected to loose but there should be mutual compromise and respect. Thank you Mr Jibbs for stopping by and sharing with us. Please do visit again.

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