We can try all we want to prescribe rules and regulations for people to live by, but if their hearts are not changed, they will break our rules and resent us for making them. There will always be a time when we have to realise and admit we are being selfish, but we can only come to this realisation if we learn to be honest to ourselves. Yea, I know it’s not always that easy.
The heart of the gospel and the heart of love is dying to self. If we are truly going to love others, we have to resist self-centeredness in every form. Self-centeredness means being completely focused on ourselves, wants, our desires, our priorities ect. We constantly expect people around us to exist for our benefit and not for themselves. We believe and think they should work to keep us happy, do what we want, and put us first. And by all means they should not do anything to irritate us or get on our nerves, frustrate or inconvenience us. 

William Gladstone once said “Selfishness is the greatest curse of the human race” and i completely agree with him. Why do nations fight among themselves? Why so much hatred and resentment​ towards our fellow man? Why all the racist talk here and there? What about terrorist attacks and insurgencies in many nations across the globe? Why so much hunger and starvation in the country, when there is enough resources to go round for every one? Why are the rich getting richer and the poor poorer? Is it not because we prefer to please ourselves at the expense of the lives of other people? What do you call that then? 
Well, personally i feel and strongly believe that self-centeredness as a result of greed is the curse of most Unhappiness, upsets, frustrations, anger, violence, racism, hatred and our inability to enjoy life. The overwhelming majority of the unhappiness, upset, and frustration we feel comes from not having the things we want or from having to deal with situation we don’t want. In most cases those things we desire are not what we need, we just can’t stand the thought of another person especially when we feel they are inferior to have them. When our personal desires are not been met, we fall into discontent and this is selfish.

Oftentimes i hear many single ladies say ” I want to be married. If only i can be married, i would be happy.” This is so not true. If you can not be happy with yourself while single, love yourself, then you can’t find happiness even when you are married. While marriage can be wonderful, simply being married will not make you happy. Being married means another person is present in your life all the time. A person with his own wants, needs, interests, desires, issues ect. It won’t be about you alone anymore, it becomes about you both and if you are self-centered then you will not find happiness and the marriage most definitely won’t work. 
All of this never ending wanting keeps us focused and on ourselves, it breeds selfishness, which keeps us from being thankful for what we do have and from truly loving others. We must learn to be content. We need to be satisfied with what we have and do not have. Moreover, happiness has nothing to do with possessions​, rather it has to do with the condition of our hearts. A selfish heart is never happy, it’s constantly demanding. 

Let’s learn to ask God for what we want or need and trust him to provide. Learn to enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.. Love unselfishly and enjoy your life and those around you.  1Timothy 6:6 (KJV)  But godliness with contentment is great gain. I want to encourage you to put aside any selfish thoughts and behaviour and seek to be content with yourself, your possessions, and the people with whom you have relationships with. 

Reuben Studdard in one of his songs “Change Me” pointed out the need to accept our loved ones the way they are. Changing them is changing the little things that makes them. It’s not up to us to change anyone, that’s the work of the Holy Spirit. All you have to do is love them and support them. If it becomes toxic and unbearable to you, then walk away. If change must happen then it must come from their heart and it must be willing and not forceful. Be satisfied and content with who they are without demanding they change to make you happy.

Be gracious, merciful, give people a break but most especially give yourself a break and you will find yourself enjoying life and those around you more than ever.
#The best things in life comes in small packages.”

Whitney Edna Ibe is the Executive Consultant, Life & Mental Health Coach, and Writer/ Editor at Whitney Edna Ibe Consult (Blog), Flyhiee.com, The Social Talks, Penprofile.com, and Mental Wellness Society International. She is in charge of consultations, services, and implementation.

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