What are you doing? Let go of me! “She screamed at him as she tried to free herself from his grip. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she listened to his lies.
” You are mine, I didn’t cheat on you. We just had dinner, and my phone was on silent. I love you Jasmine but your obsession is driving me crazy. It’s tearing us apart Jas!”
“In the beginning she was sweet, but now, she’s too obsessed and possessive. With what you ask? With my heart, me in general. He murmured”.
This is one of the many scenerio that goes on in every relationship.
How possible is it to be incessantly jealous of your partner and yet not be possessive of him or her?
A friend of mine said to me today,  “Whitney am jealous especially when my man is not with me. I want to know where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with. I want to know everything”.
” I said to her, are you sure you are not been possessive? Are you sure you trust your man at all?”
” No, am not possessive, I do trust him, she quickly responded without hesitation. Her face giving her away.”
” I said to her, if you trust him, then why get jealous each time he’s away from you? Why live like that? She just couldn’t answer.
Is it possible to separate one from the other? Could she possibly be jealous in a genuine way and not be possessive? Does she really trust him?
Is she being possessive but hiding behind the mask of being jealous?
Truthfully speaking, how many times have we heard people say, usually in anger or out of irritation, “I’m not a jealous person!”
Believe me, I have lost count of how many times I have done this.
The truth is, I am jealous, you are jealous. We all are jealous being. God our maker is not left out either “Deuteronomy 6:15 (KJV)  (For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth.”
Jealousy is absolutely normal. It gives you a sense of possession and belonging. For those of us involved in one relationship or the other, we must have felt jealous over what our partners did or didn’t do. Who they speak to or didn’t speak to. Where they went and who they went with.
Just like every other emotions we feel, jealousy, if not properly guarded can be taken to the extreme and this is very dangerous and health threatening. Some jealousy are detrimental while some are just plain delusional.
Obsession is deadly. It’s more like a silent killer and we all need to get rid of it.
There’s a limit to what everyone can take. Extreme jealousy leads to obsession and most often extreme obsession. You loose control of your ability to control your emotions and remain positive. You become suspicious of everything and everyone.
You are constantly preoccupied with the thought that their spouse or partner is being unfaithful without having any real proof.
There are many factors that triggers excessive jealousy that leads to obsession.
1. Lack of trust in one’s partner
2. Poor communication system amongst spouse or partners
3. Sexual infidelity
4. Emotional infidelity
5. Insecurities amongst spouse and partners
6. Self doubt
7. Lies ect.
Rather than get green with jealousy, why not work on trusting and communicating with your spouse or partner. Believe in each other’s dream( even though the dreams may be pipe dreams) Just believe. Don’t demonize or stress them out with jealousy. No one deserves to live like that, neither you. Don’t loose sleep when your partner is away, give them the benefit of doubt and trust they will return the favour. Let the peace of God that passeth all human understanding guard your hearts and minds.
I often hear people say, ” I love my spouse but I don’t trust him. He’s failed me so many times”. Well I totally understand but the truth is trust is an essential ingredient for every relationship. It determines how long that relationship will last. It’s the bedrock of every relationship. I know it’s not easy to win back the trust of someone we betrayed but genuine repentance and constant evaluation of one’s love can go a long way in rebuilding it.
No man can love another of his own will, he or she will only grow weary. Let the love of God fill your heart,that way you can love another.
I believe when Jesus said in 1 John 4:18-19 (KJV)  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
We love him, because he first loved us.”
He meant it!!

Whitney Edna Ibe is the Executive Consultant, Life & Mental Health Coach, and Writer/ Editor at Whitney Edna Ibe Consult (Blog),, The Social Talks,, and Mental Wellness Society International. She is in charge of consultations, services, and implementation.

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